Date of Last Dosing: 09 03 2011 (37 Days)
Current CEASE clearing and dose: none
Current Supplements: Omega 3, Zinc, Ascorbyl Palmitate, Biotics IAG Prebiotic, Pediatric Custom Vitamin/Mineral Base Powder
Returning Old Symptoms : bouncing playing with saliva
Significant Positive Behaviors: speech clarity, reading more on her own, singing with clarity on her own, expressing her true self, performing daily tasks on her own
Current Cell Salt : Calc Phos 6X
Lizzy continues to do well and we are still milking this MMR clearing as long as we can. We have not given her the Carcinocin yet and I am in no hurry. Staying up later is fine at this point. She is very content, just awake. The blowing of saliva bubbles is not a favorite of mine but I can tolerate that too if it means we can get a clearer indication of what direction we need to go next.
I on the other hand, have been feeling very down and depressed off and on. I took my causticum 200c on the 25th of September and it has helped some. Grief has been the most significant emotion at this point. I have been grieving Lizzy’s autism and the anger that goes with it. Examination of my current status leads me to believe that this will take quite some time to heal. I know that getting these emotions out is healthy, but honestly, it sucks. What difficult tasks don’t?
The kids and I have been “gutting” our basements and getting rid of old, useless junk. Living in the north-east means having to deal with mold, snow, moisture, etc. As we went through the numerous boxes of toys we have, some of the action figures were growing a sweater. Mold! Yuck!!! I could soak them in a bleach/water solution, but the odor is strong and I do not like to use bleach unless it is necessary. With all of the “Littles” picking up stuff and possibly placing them in their mouths I opted to use the lemon enzyme cleaner Gabriel and I made 3 months ago. ( check July 25th entry) This stuff is wonderful! The lemons, water and sugar cleaner fermented over the last 90 days and yielded a great product. Success!! We soaked the toys in the diluted solution and it took the mold and odor right out. I love this stuff! Like treats like. It takes a mold to kill another mold.
We proceeded to downsize, organize and make the basement more lively and cheery. People who know me, see how organized I can be and what a “Geek” I am about labeling, sorting and classifying things. This is exactly what I am trying to do with my emotions. All of the old crap I have accumulated over the last 44 years is being looked at, removed or put into a different place. (perspective) It has helped, but it is not easy.
Hard work is usually not something I shy away from, but Lizzy’s autism is painful. The anger, despair, regret and sadness can not be removed as easily as the mold from the toys. It is going to take a long time and commitment to complete this emotional house cleaning. Autism has beat me down to my knees more times than I can remember. With God’s help, I keep getting back up. I must continue to heal myself and become the best I can for all of those that I love, including myself. Through the grace of God it will happen when the time is right. Without Him I would fall apart more often than I do.
Willy and Amelia are also grieving Lizzy’s autism at this time. Willy tearfully told me that he wants to help Lizzy and he does not know what to do for her. I shared with him how I feel the same way and we are doing everything we can for her. After talking, he felt better and asked for a hug. He is such a feeler this guy. Seeing an injured animal can bother him for months. He surly lives up to his name William. It means great protector, and that is our Willy. Lizzy is very blessed to have a bro like him and I am so blessed to have him as my son. You rock Willy!
I am truly thankful for the wonderful family that we have and how caring they are. Autism has provided so many beautiful chances for us to heal and help. I have not fallen in love with autism yet. I do not know if I ever could. Time will tell, and God will show me how. The day that we completely embrace autism will probably be the time of healing for all 11 of us.
Wait, wait, wait.