Lizzy had her appointment with her osteopath on Thursday 06 09 2011. She was not very open to it this time. I was not too surprised since the carcinocin really knocks one into another place. This remedy hits hard and when it does, one is transcended back to places you thought you would never visit again.
We entered our D.O.’s office and he asked Lizzy to get up on the table. She just stood there holding her fingers. I repeated his request and still she stood motionless. I gently placed her on the table. She became very rigid and I could tell this was not going to be a fun visit. Well, it was 30 minutes of kicking, biting, hitting and occasional screaming, “No doctor, no.”
At the end of the session, I led Lizzy to the waiting room to sit with her sister Amelia while I talked to the doctor. We talked briefly about how her heart and mind need to have a conversation. I asked again if he thought it was fear of letting go that keeps her from going forward completely. He concurred, and stated as she screamed and tensed up during the session he was getting some things to happen inside of her. As I sat there listening to this wonderful physician, my eyes welled up with tears. I shared the notion of how I think Lizzy was fearful from the beginning. Fear is a big part of who she is and who we all are. I shared how I prayed that God would put all of her suffering on to me. This true healer gently shook his head no and said that my thoughts were impossible. It was meant to be. I agreed and tearfully replied how I have embraced this journey and sometimes it is just hard. Especially now that she is hitting, biting and screaming again. (old symptoms less severity)
I opened the office door to leave and he said “Wait, you can’t leave like that, give me a hug.” I was overcome with tears. As he hugged me and told me to let it out and breathe I was overcome with admiration for this man and the work that he does. THIS IS A TRUE PHYSICIAN AND HEALER. If more physicians were like him, people could be healed on a very deep profound level.
How many doctors have we been to over the years with Lizzy that were detached and disinterested in the plights of their patients and family members? Too many. Maybe they became desensitized over time. Maybe they have their own stuff in life. Maybe they are not taught how to be sensitive to their patients complete needs. Whatever the reasons, I am very choosy about the physicians that treat our family.
In the past, I took for granted that all doctors know more than I about my kids and myself. Wrong! They are more learned about diseases, anatomy, etc. That knowledge is necessary, but it must be coupled with understanding. They need to try to understand every aspect of their patients lives. This approach takes time. Most physicians do not have or make time to fill this need. If they do not take the time to get to know their patients how can they make any kind of complete diagnosis? My experience says, it is impossible.
I feel that studying Hippocrates approach of treating the whole person is something that most physicians need to familiarize themselves with on a regular basis. Plus, Hippocrates viewed healing as an art form. This art does not translate into handing out prescriptions or showing off one’s knowledge of clinical facts. There is nothing wrong with a refresher course. Every professional benefits from learning more about their craft. Again, medicine and healing is an art, and those who are wise enough to know this are the most successful. Those who understand this and treat their patients with respect are worth their weight in gold. We need more doctors like this today. I know this approach is possible. We use four true physicians to treat our family. We are very grateful to God for leading us to them. These indiviguals are well-educated, compassionate and caring people. They are a true gift to mankind and a credit to the art form.
Lizzy has been doing better since Thursday. She is quite fond of being alone at this point. She is going into other rooms by herself to play and coming out periodically to reconnect with us. Three years ago this was not the case. Lizzy would isolate herself constantly. We would have to go to her and make sure she was okay. Make sure that she ate, drank, everything. Happily, I say again, old symptoms less severity.
Could it be that she just wants to be alone? I say yes. When I am working something out emotionally I need to go into my emotional cave and stay there alone with my thoughts. This opportunity facilitates thinking and feeling without someone else making any demands or requests. I enjoy being alone from time to time. It is essential. Don’t we all benefit from it?
This week I dreamt of Lizzy talking to me in great depth. In my dream she was questioning me about all sorts of things. In my dream I was shocked and amazed. I did not think it was her speaking. These types of dreams used to really bum me out. Recently, I am at peace and not afraid. I am no longer fearful that she will slip away again, and never return to where she is now. God has given me the strength to look at these moments and embrace them. Through this trial I am allowed to see His miracles and wonders. I am truly grateful.
Fear is very powerful and it has been used to manipulate situations and people since day one. After researching and examining my own fears I have changed the word fear into an acronym. The acronym is this: Faithfully Embracing All Repurcussions. Embracing one’s fears has helped me tremendously. Talking to others about one’s fears is also essential. One has to do this. I can not get Lizzy to talk about it yet, so what can I do for her now? I believe the opportunity will be revealed to us at the right time. Until then, we shall keep our hearts, eyes and ears open to what we can do to help our precious Lizzy girl. Lizzy’s grandma is planning to come and visit this summer. Maybe one who is not in her midst everyday can bring her out more. We’ll see. Love is a very powerful healer, and I know that my mom (and others) love Lizzy very much.
Queen Anne’s Lace is in bloom again. As I drive around and see these beautiful flowers emerge I think of our baby girl. Our journey with her is just like this intricate flower. The red dot in the middle reminds me of the painful parts of our journey with Lizzy. The numerous little flowers that are joined together to make each beautiful bloom is just like our Lizzy girl. Slowly every little aspect of her is coming together to make one beautiful flower. I hope and pray that she continues to blossom and show us all of the splendors that make up this special little girl. Our intricate, beautiful little girl is slowly emerging and blossoming. We just have to wait for the right time and season.
May each new day allow all of us to blossom and grow. Blessings to all.