05 19 2011 MMR Clearing #1 Getting Back In Balance

Hello All! Lizzy has been doing very well and the MMR clearing is in the second week. To date we have not had any major aggravations and her sleep has been good. She has a tendency to be hyper at night but she sleeps all night. YES!

Lizzy had her osteopath visit today and it went well. Her D.O. stated that he encouraged a conversation between her heart and mind today. Lizzy was fine until he began to do this. It amazes me how the power of touch can be so powerful. I said it before and I’ll say it again, he is a true healer.

We have a new addition to the house and his name is Klaus. This 3 1/2 month old puppy is amazing. He and Lizzy have a kinship. He senses that she cares but he also senses that he needs to be aware of what she is doing. If Lizzy tries to pet him too hard he just gets up and walks away. He is very smart. We house trained him and leash trained him in two days. He is an absolute joy! We are hoping that Lizzy’s new friend will help her to heal and be willing to come out and join us more than she currently does.

Spring has been here for almost two months but the frequent rain has us inside more often than we like. When we are blessed with a clear day it is outside for everyone. Lizzy has a fascination with one of the pine trees on our property. After her time outside she comes in with swollen puffy eyes. Poor little chick. She does not seem to mind very much. We have been letting it run its course and she is better within several hours.

Little Katie loves being outside also. Her love of dandelions is adorable. No allergic reactions from her, just pure enjoyment.

Katie and Lizzy have been playing together more and Katie’s strong verbal skills are helping Lizzy for sure. “Ewizabiff” responds very well to what Katie asks of her and they are quite a pair. I am so glad that they are communicating with each other and being just like sisters. This was not the case one year ago.

Lizzy is doing well with school. Her vocabulary and annunciation have improved considerably. We are still working with her on the chalkboard. We write a word. Ask her what word is this and she reads it. The words are random in topic and order. The last time she and I worked together she said the word I was thinking of writing before I did it. Some can say that my choice of words are predictable based on past lessons. That would be true if I did them in the same order. Lizzy said the word before I wrote it three times that day. Hmmmmmmm? Clairvoyance? It’s possible. It will be something to consider when we are deciding her next remedy. I think we have not even touched the tip of the iceberg with this little girl. She is amazing.

When doing a CEASE clearing Lizzy’s speech usually drops off some. Today it kicked in again until he received her MMR 200C dose. Within 2 hours she became quiet once more. In the past I would become fearful that she was slipping away from us again. Now I know that it is par for the course and her speech will kick in again after the dose wears off. Her body is busy doing other things now. Her speech will return when she is back in a better place. All in good time.

Last Saturday Lizzy received her Carcinocin 30C for the first time. It went pretty well. We had some hyperactivity at bedtime but for the most part she tolerated it well. We are very happy that Lizzy is going through this with less difficulty. I feel that she understands what is happening now. It has become familiar to her. She knows what she is dealing with. I too feel better about things when I know what to expect. The gene pool is alive and well.

Lizzy and I are on the same remedy at this point and I am getting some movement on old suppressed feelings. My willingness to heal all of these past pains comes and goes. I know that I must stay the course and finally free myself of these demons. In the past, I thought that I was okay with all of them. Surprise! Not the case at all. Todd and the kids have been very helpful with my journey and their support is what helps me keep going. I pray for healing for myself in order to be a better person for all of those that I love.

Recently I embraced the fact that I am completely out of balance. Not news, but for the first time I felt it with true honesty. The main factor is that I need to nurture Amy. Not Amy the wife, mom and daughter but the true Amy that existed prior to marriage, kids and autism. This poor woman has been put on the back burner for the past 20 years and she is crying out for attention.

My oldest son Ian reminded me of this yesterday. He eloquently stated, “Mom I admire your self-sacrifice but you need to be Amy more. I just want you to be you and I thought I should tell you.” Wow! What a slap of reality. He is so right.

Ian knows that I love to dance like him and I have not been doing it like I used to. Encouraging our kids with their crafts and teaching them what I have learned over the years has been my focus. I tell them to pursue their dreams and keep going. I shared with them that I had to let go of my dream years ago in order to work and make some money. Then I fell in love, got married, had kids and the dream was placed in the realm of the forgotten. Ian especially knows how much joy one gets from dancing and I am the same. Well it is time to make that dream part of my everyday life again and stay in balance. Balance is the key. I pray for success.

Just like Lizzy I need to achieve balance within myself. I need to care for those that I love including my true self. When I do this, I am more content and fun-loving. This allows me to be able to be the loving person that I want to be. The trick is to change how I do everything now and make time for myself. Not just time to sit and read, watch a movie or talk to loved ones, but true Amy time. Things that make my soul smile. Those are the things that keep us going.

God blessed each one of us with things that we truly enjoy. We just need to nurture that side of ourselves and not be consumed by all of life’s difficulties. This is what has happened to Lizzy. She allowed her environment and traumas to dictate what she does constantly. She and I need to teach each other how to find true inner happiness. This is not a magic bullet. It just gives us the inner strength to handle things better. I still lean on God for strength. But as I pray for this I realized that I need to meet Him half way and do my part also. This is what Lizzy needs to do to. She needs to decide to come out and join us completely.

A couple of weeks ago I was hugging Lizzy and thinking, Lizzy I love you so much, I am here for you. She hugged me with all that she had. As my thoughts drifted to Lizzy I need for you to come out, she quickly pulled away from me. This little girl feels everything. It is amazing. I know that when she achieves balance within herself her gifts will be shared with us. I feel that her abilities are beyond my comprehension at this point. She is going to do some miraculous things in her life. I am truly blessed to be her mom. We all have this potential we just need to uncover it. Sounds simple. Simple does not always translate to easy.

We are very happy with Lizzy’s progress to date. She will be seeing her osteopath every two weeks and her music therapy has been put on hold for a few months. This will allow her body to catch up and our insurance to reimburse us for past visits.

In closing I hope that God will grant us the gift of balance, strength, change and perseverance. I also pray for the willingness to able to look at myself and others with forgiveness, compassion, understanding and love.

Blessings to all.