04/23/2011 Memories

Todd and Lizzy 4 2011

Hello All!

Lizzy has been doing very well and the Kali Phos 6X is still in place. We are not giving her any other supplements or remedies as of now.

Saturday was filled with happy family hang out time and we enjoyed a great lunch together. I asked my oldest daughter Amelia to put on some music while we prepared lunch. Amelia chose the Amelie soundtrack by Yanni Tiersen and the melodic piano music filled the house. I do not choose to play this music anymore because we played it for Lizzy when she was a baby and into her toddlerhood. When I hear this music and I am moved to tears every time. To many memories, too many emotions.

I heard the music and did not say anything. I was enjoying cooking the meal and did not give it any thought. I was making 4 different things so I was very busy and distracted. As the meal prep came to a close I suddenly felt angry. I was not aware what happened to get me there but I was there nonetheless. As I placed the bacon cheeseburgers, chicken caesar salad and other items on the table I was really tense. Todd inquired and I told him I did not know what was up.

We all sat down and said grace. Lizzy always sits on my left and Todd at my right. Midway into the meal Lizzy grabbed my left hand and placed it on her back under her shirt. She turned and smiled at me as if to say, remember when you would rub my back to this song. She was right. I did rub her back to the very song playing. My God. She was anywhere from 0 to 18 months. It amazed me that she remembered. I was crying and hugging her and she kissed me on the cheek. I was floored that she would remember anything from that time in her life. Todd sensed it was a “Lizzy Moment” and invited me outside with him. Before I joined him, I went up to Lizzy and asked her for a hug. She turned to me with her arms out and hugged me for quite a long time. This hug was one of genuine feeling. Not the usual lightly touching and only for two seconds. She knew I needed it badly. Our little girl is very aware of other people’s feelings.  We have had few moments like this in the past. But this one was real and with complete feelings that she chose to share.

I did some preliminary research on memory and found that it is not common for most people to remember things from that time in their lives. Is it the autism factor? Meaning, some autistic people have a photographic memory or an incredible memory for color. Or is it the artistic factor. Musicians, artists and the like have great memories. Could be this because Todd is an artist.

What I gleaned from this interaction was that she remembers by hearing (auditory) and touch (tactile). We all do but this could be her dominant learning style. Now my thought is this. If she can remember from that time and pull mental files then I bet she remembers the shots (vaccines) also. As I stated before, if she was in a carcinocin state at the time of her birth and afterward, vaccines could be processed as a major violation to that person. Could be something could be nothing. Regardless, this situation has shown me to be more aware of the fact that she could be an auditory/tactile learner predominantly.  I am anxious to see what her ND thinks of this. I am going to suggest energy testing her for carcinocen and see what happens. Couldn’t hurt.

There are many intelligence styles. We just need to figure out which one Lizzy is. You can check articles on Wikipedia which explains it very well. The founder Gardner has written numerous books on teaching children.  This is the next topic I am going to address. We view Lizzy’s recovery the same as we view ourselves and our other 8 kids. Mind, body and spirit. Sometimes you need to give more attention to one than another until they are back in balance. I feel her body is in a better place now. This allows us to move on and encourage her to come out even more. She’s in there! Honestly, I think she thinks her environment is unsafe. She decided long ago to go in when it was too much. Don’t we all do this from time to time? The difference is she did it times 100. Everything Lizzy does is times 100.

 The beauty is this. Her positive behavior and experiences as well as the negative will be something that packs a powerful punch. I feel that we have not even touched the surface of her potential to date. As she chooses to show us who she is we will be brought to our knees again. This is going to be more glorious than I had earlier imagined. It’s God’s time-table and Lizzy’s time-table not mine.

I know that Lizzy will be willing to join us completely some day. Until then we are diligent is deciphering what Lizzy needs. This does not mean what therapy others think she should be participating in. I do not mean homeopathy, I am referring to all of the other therapies out there that are supposed to help your child “perform”. We do not want her to be a parrot and mimic. We want her to be Lizzy and feel comfortable being who she is. Isn’t that what we all want?

I hope and pray that Lizzy will continue to amaze us. May God grant us the wisdom, patience and discernment that we need to help our baby girl reach her full potential.

Blessings to all.

04 21 2011 The Results Are In

 Here is what we have today!  

                                                

Current Symptoms:   noise sensitivity, some screaming

note: all symptoms are old and resurfacing with less severity

Positive Behaviors: Affectionate, obeys requests after asking one time only, willingness to engage in social behavior, speech clarity, kicking a ball, singing along with music

Current Remedy: Cina 200C

# of days since last dosing: 37 (03/15/2011)

# of days with uninterrupted Sleep: 28

Cell Salt: Kali Phos 6X

Hello All!

Got the teat results back and no signs of parasites or bacteria were found. Yeah!! Will meet with Lizzy’s ND next week so we can see what step is next. Will keep you posted.

The Kali Phos (potassium phosphate) cell salt is helping very much. For any new readers, this substance is a brain nerve salt that keeps Lizzy grounded. I’ll say it again, these things are amazing. Without it Lizzy would be having a much harder time which affects all of us. I am very grateful for these little wonders and am currently grabbing every bit of info. I can find about them.

My sweet son Ian bought me a new book on the subject. He is so considerate. He tells me, Mom, I want to buy you something. You need to buy yourself things from time to time. So I want to get this for you. What a blessing he is. Thanks Ian! All nine of my kids are so amazing. Todd and I are truly blessed.

Lizzy has been doing well except for noise sensitivity.  Her appetite is good and she is still very affectionate. Lizzy is much more aware of those around her. When Todd arrives home from work she goes to the window and waits for him. As he approaches our front door, she opens the door and jumps up and down with a huge smile on her face. This little girl loves her daddy. Sometimes she says “Hello” of “Hey”, either way it melts Todd’s heart.

Todd feels bad that he can not be home more with her. He has commitments that need to be met so off he goes to work every day. While on the subject, I must mention that Todd’s employer has been awesome through this whole journey. They have been great about understanding Todd’s need to be home when Lizzy is not doing well. Their compassion and willingness to accommodate him is such a blessing. The entire staff has been exemplary in understanding our circumstances. I hope and pray that all ASD ( Autism Spectrum Disorder) dads have the same experience with their employers. It makes a difficult situation much easier when one does not have to be concerned about being away from work when necessary. Many thanks to everyone at Charlex, Inc. They are a wonderful group of people.

Easter is this Sunday and I pray that we will be blessed with a great day. I am not ready to take Lizzy to church services yet but soon enough it will happen. I look forward to the days when we can go out as an entire family without having to worry about an outburst or meltdown. Hopefully that will change soon. It’s God’s timetable not mine.

My thoughts and prayers go to every family during this wonderous time of year. May we all be blessed with gratitude, healing, love and joy. Happy Easter to everyone. May the joy of this season bring hope to our lives each and every day.

04 17 2011 Calm After the Storm

Here is what we have today!                                                  

Current Symptoms:  jumping on her bed at night, noise sensitivity

note: all symptoms are old and resurfacing with less severity

Positive Behaviors: Affectionate, obeys requests after asking one time only, willingness to engage in social behavior, speech clarity, using new phrases to express herself verbally, kicking a ball, singing along with music

Current Remedy: Cina 200C

# of days since last dosing: 32 (03/15/2011)

Cell Salt: Kali Phos 6X

Last night we had an incredible storm. Wind and rain continued for hours. I slept really well and woke up to a perfect day.  It was gorgeous!

We attended a new church this morning and the walk there was the beginning of a great thing. The church is 200 years old and it has a wonderful feeling inside. Upon entering the building we were greeted with warm faces and welcomes. It was very nice. A guest speaker was in attendance and his story was so moving that I must share it.

In short, he spoke of his son who died at age 37 of cancer and how God is always there for us. As I listened to his words I was moved to tears. As I reflected on our two girls who have had physical challenges I was moved beyond measure. This man and his wife experience a grief that is beyond anything that Todd and I have to experience. I felt shameful for ever complaining about any challenges in my life. The death of a beloved child is the ultimate challenge. His grief is beyond my scope. To know that you will have to wait to see your child again on this plane must be something that is the most painful challenge known to any parent.

Lizzy At the Park 04 17 2011

Todd and I joined hands as we tearfully listened to this man’s wonderful admiration for God and His will. The church members have been praying for his family for the last 2 1/2 years, so he made a trip to speak to us and share his story. Even though he has experienced something so difficult he chose to travel to our little humble church and share his thoughts. What a wonderful blessing it was to hear him share his feelings. Again, shame on me for ever complaining.  His humility and admiration of God was so moving. As Todd and I witnessed this together we felt closer than ever. We held each other’s hands tightly and knew what the other one was feeling. We were experiencing grief. Our precious little Lizzy gal. We mourn the loss of her being with us completely and we mourn the loss of our expectations for her life and our relationship with her.

Lizzy Noise Sensitivity

Lizzy has made some great strides in recovering from her autism. How blessed we are to be able to see her everyday and know that her life is not in jeopardy. Plus, we are blessed to be able to grow and change right along with her. Yes, Lizzy’s condition is difficult and heart wrenching from time to time but it is nothing in comparison to the death of a child.

We all have crosses to bear and currently ours is autism. The last few weeks have been slow for Lizzy’s recovery. All of the great strides and changes have slowed down considerably. This watching and waiting is very difficult. It tends to wear on me the same way her difficult times did. I guess this anguish will never leave me completely.

During quiet times her autism screams even louder to me. I do not wish for times of screaming and discomfort but what I am saying is this. I thought her screaming, exteriorizations, head banging and stimming was what made me tense. Those things do. Now that they are practically non-existent, I still feel the same. It is the fact that I can not help my baby girl the way I want to. I want to ease her burdens now. Completely. It is not possible. Though I know these things logically, my heart as other things in mind. My heart is being forged for a greater task that I am not privy to yet. My guess is that I need to surrender my baby girl to God and let Him do.

I thought I had already done this! What else do I need to do? How much more can I let go? Do I let everything go? The answer is yes. I need to give my burdens completely over to God. I have been carrying them myself and succumbing to the weight. Honestly I can’t completely do it. I don’t know how anymore. My heart is heavy and my mind is weak. As I write this entry I am overcome with emotion. I can barely gather a thought beyond my daily routine.

The man who spoke to us today must have felt just like this. Guess I have a deeper understanding of him than I realized. It is the quiet times that are the hardest when dealing with grief. In this quiet I must reach out to God and lay my burdens upon Him. For I am too weak to go on like this. Complete surrender is what is needed in order to heal. I have come to the realization that I am grieving Lizzy’s condition still. Like our Lizzy it takes time to heal. With God’ s help and the prayers of others we will make it through this.

We hope that Lizzy will continue to do better and we will have a big shift again with her recovery and ours. All in God’s time. When we have learned everything we are supposed to, this trial will be a distant memory. All of the tears, remedies, research, doc. appts. and cost will be gone. My prayer is that all of us will carry this experience with us always and remember how easily things can be taken from us. I do not mean carry it as a burden. We need to carry it as a triumph. A triumph over autism, grief, personal growth and a closer relationship with God and others.

 

The day progressed and we took all of the little ones to the park. They had a great time and a

Katie At the Park 04 17 2011

break in the storm was finally provided. As they played, Todd and I observed our wonderful kids and realized how blessed we are to have each and every one of them.

 

After the park we went home, made popcorn, watched a movie and just hung out together. These are the moments that God blesses us with each and every day.

 After reading stories to the littles and tucking them in bed I felt much better. While stroking their hair and telling them how much I love them I was overcome with peace. All of the grief and feelings of unfairness washed away and tranquility reigned once more. Thank you God!

 

May God grant each and every person the ability to see the joy in their lives. May God continue to open our hearts and minds in order to achieve true happiness.  May we continue to witness His blessings during times of trial and reach our full potential.

 

Peace to all!

04 16 2011

Hello All!

Here is what we have today!                                                  

Current Symptoms:  jumping on her bed at night, noise sensitivity

note: all symptoms are old and resurfacing with less severity

Positive Behaviors: Affectionate, obeys requests after asking one time only, willingness to engage in social behavior, speech clarity, using new phrases to express herself verbally, kicking a ball, singing along with music

Current Remedy: Cina 200C

# of days since last dosing: 31 (03/15/2011)

Current Cell Salt: Kali Phos 6X

Lizzy and Daddy 4 10 2011

Lizzy has been doing very well. Her sleep is good and she has been very cooperative. Lizzy did go to see our osteopath and we had a very good session. He stated that he has seen a big change in her maturity and also her awareness. I must agree she has changed.

The parasite test results are still not in so we rescheduled with her homeopath. Another two weeks should be enough time for us to get all of the information we need.

We have been giving Lizzy Kali Phos. 6X each day and it has helped take the edge off. These cell/tissue salts are amazing. I have mentioned them before and I’ll say it again, they are wonderful. I have experienced great improvements with myself and other family members. So I plan to do an in-depth study of these little wonders and learn how much more they are capable of.

As stated in prior blog entries, I am currently on a remedy. Am still getting quite a bit of movement from it. As I experience this state, I wonder if I was in this same state when carrying Lizzy. It is very similar. Was Lizzy was in a carcinocen state when she was born? Seems very likely to me.  Vaccines have a very negative effect on people when they are in this state. Hmmmm? As I continued my search I remembered that I received pitocin when delivering Lizzy. Even then she would only come so far down the canal and then go back again. So they gave me pitocin to help out with the labor. This was very frustrating for me and Lizzy. I can not say it enough. Delivery of the baby needs to be as stress free as possible. That was not the case with Lizzy. The nurse was having an awful day and she was very angry and stressed. How wonderful it was to have the nurse from $%#@ around. That subject matter will be addressed later in another blog.

Pitocin is significant to me because it interferes with the natural hormone oxytocin which is called the love hormone. Oxytocin helps one build bonding relationships. Hmmmm? Sounds like an autism symptom to me. Many autistic kids are given oxytocin and their social skills improve greatly. I personally have not used it, but some parents do. I wonder if most of the mom’s out there using oxytocin for their kids received pitocin during their induction or delivery. That would explain a lot. Hormones are so delicate. Especially when dealing with a person who is sensitive like Lizzy.

The more I investigate this, the more I am convinced that it was a series of events

Katie and Lizzy Eating Rice Pudding 04 2011

that brought our Lizzy to her autism. I believe it was her destiny to have these problems. Her purpose is to teach all of us about this condition and ourselves. Though I am comfortable with this journey, I still need to find the cause. Not only for us, but for our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. These issues must be addressed so we can help the rest of our family and others. Hippocrates said it best, “Find the cause cure the disease.”

To date I believe that Todd and I needed to heal ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally to prevent this from happening. We were not aware of the impact that post traumatic stress, flu vaccines, candida, parasites, everyday stresses, heavy metals, suppressed feelings, and vaccines would have on Lizzy and us.

Should of, could have, would have. No time for that. Onward and upward.  I have taken this new-found philosophy and use it to heal our entire household. This is the purpose. Growth and change.

Lizzy

Lizzy is still displaying many new things to us each day. She is very happy, thoughtful and aware of other people’s feelings. This is huge for us. Her ability to express herself verbally has improved greatly. She is willing to hold things, pass items when asked and express herself with clarity and purpose. Clarity of speech is the biggest improvement to date. The fact that she is not on a remedy at this point, has allowed her mind, body and spirit to settle down and just heal. Plus, it gives us the chance to see what is going on with her.

We are very encouraged by her latest developments though the progress is slow. All in God’s time. Lizzy is only going to improve more and more. We just have to be patient.

I hope and pray that all of us battling autism have the strength, energy and perseverance for the days ahead. May the sleepful nights continue and provide us with clarity, understanding and wisdom.