02 26 2011 The Dance of Growth

 Hello All!

Here are the symptoms for today.

Current Behaviors/Symptoms: vaginal odor

Old Behaviors/Symptoms Resurfacing with less severity:     interrupted sleep, chewing on shirt, bear hugging, some bouncing

Current Remedy : Cina 200C

# of Days since last dosing: 14 days

Days of Interrupted sleep: 2

Speech Clarity:  good

Acute Administration of Arnica Montana for fall 1/2 tsp

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Well as you can see Lizzy woke up last night again for the second time. Must be getting closer to another dosing of Cina 200C. Her behavior is good and all things considered it has been a good day.

The vaginal odor I am guessing is from candida. We are going to be doing a DNA stool test and others to see exactly where we are at. I am hoping that we will get some conclusive answers this time. Time will tell.

Lizzy was dancing last night and accidentally fell on Amelia and slammed her knee onto the hardwood floor. She belted out a loud scream. Poor little thing would not put any weight on it at first. After cold compresses and 1 dose of Arnica Montana (homeopathic remedy) she was off and running within 20 minutes. I was leery of giving her the Arnica because I did not want to interfere with the Cina but if I hadn’t she would have been in horrible pain and very sore. So let’s see what tomorrow brings.

The reason Lizzy fell is because she was hugging Amelia and then pulled on her with all she had. Amelia was playing too and did not intend for both of them to fall. Lizzy has a tendency to give hugs like a bear from time to time. Sometimes I have to say”Okay that’s enough Lizzy.” This is a sensory issue that surfaces from time to time. You can check out more at http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html  Lizzy’s hugging is a vestibular sense issue which affects input from the inner ear about equilibrium, gravitational changes, movement experiences, and position in space.

 Another old sensory issue coming to the surface with less severity. Here we go on another mini research side bar to help with the ear issues. If I had extra money it would not be an issue but I don’t so we have to do it ourselves. So will investigate and see what I can come up with on a shoe string budget.

I believe that our inability to afford these things at this time is because we need to learn about these things on a deeper level. If someone else was taking care of this for me I would not have to be in know about all of it. I would probably get so accustomed to the other person doing it that I would miss the mark on helping Lizzy and  our other kids. When we have to look into a resolution ourselves we have a greater appreciation of the work involved plus a deeper understanding.

Honestly, sometimes I do not welcome these lessons easily. But onward and upward. No time for a pity party today just do it.  When I have inner dialogue with myself after I come to a conclusion I will say out loud “Okay”. The kids will say “Okay what Mom?” After I explain how I am processing they understand. The three oldest kids don’t even ask anymore, they know me very well.I have always prayed that as a family we would stay close and communicate with each other. I have been adamant with my kids that they must communicate with each other at all times. Even the bad stuff. It is so funny to me that with all of my efforts to maintain communication Lizzy would have a speech delay. My new-found appreciation of communication has changed me forever.
Not everyone is blessed with the ability to say things clearly to our ears. ButQueen annes lace growth stages their ability to communicate to our hearts is crystal clear. Our love and admiration is the constant communicator. We use all of our senses to relay this message. Lizzy’s delays have helped me to learn more about myself and others. So when I see a special needs individual when I am out I make a point of communicating with them. Whatever way is possible for me. And If I can’t I say a little prayer for them and ask God to bless them and all of those in their life. It makes me feel good. Not only do I see this wonderful person but I see the growth that will take place because of their presence. All of those who love and encounter them will grow in a way that is beyond our comprehension. And this is the beautiful notion that I have now that Lizzy has shown me how to really communicate. Thanks again Lizzy, we love you!
May God grant us strength for another day of recovery

02 25 2011 Kleenex Anyone?

Hello All!

We are going to have a new format from now on with our blog. I am going to list Lizzy’s daily info. first and then we will go into detail about other stuff. This will make it easier for myself and others to quickly get an idea of what is going on or what has changed. It will be like this……………

Current Symptoms: waking up a night, some screaming, more talking, hands being placed at her sides with soft fists, some skipping and bouncing, licking items, wanting to shake hands

Current Remedy: Cina 200C

Number of Days since last dosing: 13


Lizzy has been doing pretty well. She is more willing to work on the computer and we have been seeing a new shift in her willingness to communicate on a deeper level.

Last night I was tucking in all of the little ones and Lizzy being the oldest was last.  I entered her room she was waiting with a smile. I sat on her bed and I started to talk. I asked her how she was and she said “Cup”.  “Yes that is your cup Lizzy”, I said. I proceeded to say the word again, sign the word and also finger spell the word. She loves this. We proceeded to her name and then I said “My name is Mommy.” Lizzy looked at me and said” Mom”. “Oh okay Mom will work too.” This is what I mean, she is plugging in to her environment and expressing herself. 

As we continued I kissed the side of neck and she placed her arms around me. As I came back up to look at her she smiled at me and said “I Love You Mom.” I have been waiting for this day for a very long time. I know that Lizzy has always loved me but to hear it from her heart I was floored. Kleenex anyone?

Lizzy was very peaceful after that and I too had found a whole new warm

Lizzy peeling sweet potatoes

 fussy spot in my heart. Thank you God! He knew I was feeling discouraged and just plain tired, and He reached out to me through my baby girl and I am so greatful. (Not a typo) I felt great!!!!

 Lizzy went to sleep and woke up this morning at 230am. Not sure why. Maybe Katie’s crying woke her up we will find out tonight for sure.

This am when Lizzy woke up she was in a great mood. I asked her why she woke up last night. She replied “What happened?” Again, a first for Lizzy she is communicating in a whole new way.

Lizzy has been very affectionate today and wanting to shake my hand. She did well with her school work and her mood has been awesome along with her appetite.

I thank God for Lizzy communicating more and more. It is through my child with delayed speech that I hear His voice. He knows what I need and when. I just need to remain faithful and without fear.  Dear God give me the ability.

Sweet Dreams To All


02 22 2011 to 02 24 2011

Hello All!

Another two nights of great sleep for Lizzy. Her sleep is wonderful at this point.

Her mood has been pretty good. I was concerned about the organic cookies she had yesterday but no big shifts in her behavior. Good News!!

Lizzy's hand 02 21 2011

Lizzy is still having some sensory issues resurface. As I mentioned before, she is trying to get a reading on her body so she is placing her hands like this and other positions.

We will continue the sushi roll exercise and also more finger spelling. She is very interested in finger spelling colors.  We are going to work with her in front of the mirror in the hallway. She LOVES mirrors!

Lizzy's hands 02 16 2011 B

Lizzy has been doing this with her hands for the last two weeks.  I am very anxious to talk to her homeopath this Thursday so we can see where we need to go next. As I mentioned before, this is an old behavior that is coming to the surface with less severity. Which is good. But in all honesty, my heart still drops down to my knees. For a few seconds I think oh no.  I dismiss this negative thinking as quickly as I get it. I say a prayer and regain peace . I remind myself once again that we have to go back to go forward. 
On Wed. we had a fair session with her therapist. I think she may be bored or just obstinate. Today when I asked her to do anything she was very  happy and cooperative.

Lizzy having lunch 02 23 2011

Lizzy, Amelia, William and I went out to lunch today. We went a quiet restaurant and Lizzy did very well. She said thank you to our waiter, put butter on her bread and was very well-behaved.

Todd and I are very old school in some of our parenting. When our kids are in public or at home they must be considerate of others. That means no screaming, running around or being disruptive. Lizzy is no exception. She is now in a place again where she will sit and wait for her food. Before no go!!! So we all had a good time.
The night progressed and all went pretty well. Lizzy had her bath and played with her foam letters in the tub. She has started decoding sounds again. Very impressive. All on her own no prompting from me.  Even nonsense words. Very cool!
Hoping for more success tomorrow!

02 21 2011 Walking In Another One’s Shoes

Lizzy's numbers on the window 02 21 2011

Hello All!

Successful sleep again for Lizzy! Dear God I hope this does not end. That time was so difficult. May it remain in our memory banks instead of becoming part of our everyday experiences.

Today it was snowy and cold. Lizzy took it upon herself to write some numbers on the window. 1, 2, 3 very cool Lizzy! I know that the image is somewhat difficult to see but you can see what we are talking about. She has been much better than yesterday and more verbal. We had a lazy morning making cookies and white bean soup with biscuits. Just winter comfort stuff. (no pun intended)

As I mentioned, Amelia made organic cookies today and Lizzy was very curious

Lizzy and Amelia making cookies 02 021 2011

about the process. She has a real interest in cooking the last few weeks. So in typical Winter style we are running with it. We have been narrating our actions as she observes. She seems very interested for short periods of time. Hopefully we can get her to be interested for longer periods, time will tell.

Today Lizzy had a make up music therapy session and it went okay. She was distracted at first and then she became more involved. Her obstinacy is always a factor. Her therapist does not ask her to do anything that is out of her scope of abilities but she still fights him. This is one strong-willed little girl. That is my contribution to the gene pool, no wonder my mom and sisters wanted to kill me.

Lizzy the cookie theif 02 21 2011

Well the cookies were a complete success! They did not last long in this house. Soon Lizzy was out to confirm that they were all gone.  As you can see she is very determined when she puts her mind to it. I think this is who she really is. Another strong-willed Winter female. As Todd says, “You know those Winter females they are very determined”.

 Cooking is a wonderful way of teaching your kids. They learn so many things that include science and math. But my favorite is a true appreciation of how much work and effort it takes to make a meal. It is easy to sit down and eat after all of the work is done. But if one has to prepare, serve and clean the meal a new viewpoint evolves.

Ian was the first to become interested in cooking and after preparing a few meals

Ian the ham

 all by himself he says to me. “Mom thanks for cooking, I know how hard it is.” Plus he reminds his siblings “Leave her alone don’t you see how much work she’s doing!” When one walks in another’s shoes that is when they finally understand. It is true of all of us. 

When Lizzy finally comes out more and more she will be able to pull from her own experiences and understand what we have been trying to teach her all along. This will be a great day for everyone. Especially Lizzy. I can’t wait to hear what she thinks and feels. Plus her perspective on things that are taking place now while she is not completely verbal.

About 2 years ago Amelia asked Lizzy if she minded being autistic. Lizzy looked up and to the left and exhaled. Our poor baby. She minds just as much as we do. I am sure she longs to express herself on a very deep level.  I bet she misses us as much as we miss her. But everyday that goes by we are getting her back and someday it will all be a distant memory. Three specific memories will eternally tattooed on my heart. A memory of a time when our baby girl slipped away from us.  A memory of the fight to pull her back from the abyss. Finally the memory of the day that she is completely recovered and enjoying her life to the fullest.  All in God’s time it will happen. Patience, patience, patience.

We hope for continued sleep and recovery.  May God grant us strength for another day of recovery.

Sweet Dreams


02 20 2011 Cellophane Syndrome

Hello All!

Last night Lizzy went to bed well until I turned the hall light out outside of her room. She kept screaming until I turned it back on. It was after that was fixed that she fell to sleep and slept all night. Yes! I am so glad that she is not waking up anymore. We have not been giving her anything except her current remedy and the Sacc Off 6C. Success!

Lizzy is still being very territorial with Katie and Matthew. She does not mind Howard but the other two little ones are not on her favorites list. She is also craving sugar. She keeps going to the cabinets and asking for cookies. Sorry. No go in this house, she is barking up the wrong tree. Her sugar cravings are something that come and go. I need to try to find something to appease her without overloading her at the same time. Her appetite is fair and hopefully we will have another shift tomorrow. She has music therapy tomorrow so I hope she will be in a better place than the last couple of days.

As of 7 pm Lizzy is still throwing a fit to get her way. Todd has been caving in with her and giving what she wants after she screams. I did it too with the hall light. I call it Cellophane Syndrome.

The cellophane refers to the wrapping around a big sucker. And when we as parents fall for these tactics we are being suckers.  I  know it is hard when you have a child that has been ill, but this is not the case today. It is much more difficult for Todd to change gears like this. I am around her all of the time so I know what the deal is. But I still falter from time to time. Todd doesn’t realize it plus he feels guilty for not being with the kids more. So those two factors are the reason he caves in. I caved in last night with the light to keep the peace. She usually does not want it on so go figure. We’re working on it. All in God’s time it will happen.

After Todd laid down the law with her she is much better. No more screaming and fussing. It takes both parents to stand as a united front for it to work. It is what we have always tried to do. We have succeeded most of the time. But Lizzy is different in Todd’s mind. She is his “Gal Pal”. Some wounds take longer to heal. I pray for Todd everyday and especially his healing.

 This poor guy has endured a lot in his life and female abandonment is at the top of the list. When Lizzy slipped away into her autism Todd was devastated. He was in a tremendous state of denial. But over the last three years we have helped each other a lot. Todd is a very sweet, passionate wonderful man who has helped me become a better person. I want to be better for him and I hope that I can help heal him the same way he helped me. All in God’s time. In typical Todd style he knows that I am exhausted so he volunteered to get up with Howard and whomever else wakes up. This is what I mean, he is just wonderful!

Well I hope and pray for full cooperation tonight. Especially since my Toddo is covering for me. Sweet dreams to all and courage for another day of growth and recovery.

02 19 2011 I Could Have Danced All Night?

Hello All!

Howard 2011

Lizzy slept very well and woke up in a good mood.

Her baby brother Howard and Baby sister Kathryn were up all night. If you recall they have colds with a runny nose and cough. Here I go again. I was dancing from one room to the next to care for them.

Kathryn was very needy and finally I gave her some Pulsatilla 30C and some herbal ear drops and she finally crashed. Before I administered the Pulsatilla she would not let me leave the room. But she did not want me too close to her either. As I sat on her bed comforting her she lifted her blanket and said “Excuse me, excuse me, EXCUSE ME”.

Yikes, Pulsatilla alright. This kind of behavior is tell-tale. They ask for something and then they don’t want it. It was about 6am when the dance marathon ended.

To say the least I was completely wiped out. Not only did lack of sleep exist but also the energy it takes to provide care for sick loved ones is very draining. Plus I have a tendency to absorb other people’s moods so I need to be very careful. I need to research this and figure out what massage therapists and others do to prevent this. This happens with all of my kids from time to time.  When they are very sick or emotionally distraught I feel it too. People say that I am very intuitive and I know that I can read my kids pretty accurately. My teenaged kids always tell me “How did you know”.  Chalk it up to mothers intuition, or whatever you want. But the result is the same. I can sense things about them on a very deep level.

 As I said this occurrence can wear me out completely. It is curious, I can go and go. I am like a foreign sports car that runs fast and handles well. But I need a lot of tinkering to have those results. Meaning I need to relax, go out to dinner with my husband, dance, pray, have fun and just rejuvenate myself. If I don’t I am sluggish and spewing emotional junk all over those in my environment. This is not good! This is exactly what is happening now. I have been caring for everyone day and night so I am very tired and spent. Plus I have not had the time or the money to indulge in some fun. Hopefully I can slowly get some needed rest and fun and be back in a place that is pleasant for everyone. Took some Sepia and it helped very much. Thank God for this remedy. It is perfect for women like me. If a mom is feeling overwhelmed by all that she does this is one for her.

Lizzy 2010

Back to Lizzy. She was okay throughout the day but she was not at her best. She is throwing fits again and wanting her way constantly. She seems exasperated by everything around her. She might be reacting to my mood or she is displaying an old layer that has come to the surface. For example she has been very jealous of Matthew and anything that he is playing with she wants to have it. She has resorted to fighting with him and trying to pull his hair. It seems like territoriality. Lizzy also has been taking her clothes off at night again. We had an issue with this about 2 years ago when she was on hyoscyamus. Her behavior is less extreme than it was in the past so that is something. She is still very affectionate with me wanting to hug, shake hands and give kisses.  But I can tell by her look and touch that is not feeling too great. Thank God her sleep is still in tact. This has not changed. YES! That was a killer for all of us.  Will have to watch and wait and see what happens next week. Hopefully it will taper off.

Hoping and praying for another night of rest. Sweet dreams to all and strength for another day of recovery.

02 18 2011

Hello All!

Well Lizzy had a good night’s sleep and slept about 12 hours uninterrupted. Yeah!!! The sleep issues are behind us for now. Thank God because it took us four years to get here.

Lizzys writing 02 18 2011

Today Lizzy passed another 4 to 5 inch strand. It was found attached to some fecal matter. This is the fifth time this has happened. Shortly after doing so she became very affectionate again. As I was looking up parasite images online I was making notes on post its. She came over and watched me form every letter. She then picked up a pen, holding it perfectly with her left hand and started to write. As I looked over at what she was doing I noticed that she was writing with purpose. “Wow great 4’s Lizzy!” She looked over at me with great pride. She did it deliberately.

After that she was even more affectionate and more verbal. Amazing. Every time she passes one of these things we break on through even more. Thank you God.

Sister Katie

After dinner Lizzy was speaking in full sentences and very calm. Note she only spoke twice but they were complete sentences. Her sensory issues are much better also. Baby sister Katie was crying from time to time tonight and Lizzy did not mind at all. I am really anxious to see what will happen within the next week. In the past she gets better and better with each day.

I hope that we have a good nights sleep and continued healing tomorrow.

02 17 2011 Moon Dance

Hello All!

Lizzy had a great night’s sleep and slept for twelve hours uninterrupted.

Baby Howard

Thank God because baby Howard and Katie were up all night and I was dancing from one room to another to provide comfort. They both have colds but they were incredibly restless, did not want to be left alone, kicking their legs, wanting to sleep on their stomach even raising their bottoms in the air. Uh Oh. Maybe that Vermox clearing was not enough. Need to do another Cina clearing for them too. I need to investigate it further and make sure that we handle the dosing properly. Man I wish I was completely trained in homeopathy, but again patience. I need to learn from what is being presented to me at this moment. But again I want it all now. This time it is knowledge. Will I ever learn? 

After the two of them became comfortable Todd and I crashed hard. He woke me at 530am with the worst headache. I always get a horrible headache when I am sleep deprived. It is as if my body is knocking on my forehead saying, “Think McWinter you need sleep”.  So I listened and took a 2 hour nap. It helped some. But duty called and off I go.

Lizzy with puppet theatre 2007

When Lizzy woke up she was very quiet and content. She was playing and then asked to go my room and crawled in to our bed. She asked to watch the Simpsons and stayed there for about 30 minutes. She then came downstairs and wanted to eat.  She was finally hungry. And boy was she hungry, she did not want to wait for her lunch as it was being prepared so a fit ensued. Yikes! They are definitely less in severity but man they still wear on a person. After I explained that it was cooking and showed her the hamburger patty in the skillet she was somewhat appeased. But she wanted her sweet potato fries NOW! She loves these things and I can’t blame her. They are good. After she was served, tranquility reigned once more.

This behavior is very typical of the full moon, parasites and Cina. She is just mad! And after all of that fuss about eating she did not eat very much. This too is typical of Lizzy when she is going through a homeopathic clearing. But less severity than before. In the past there was no consoling or reasoning with her. At least now we can get through to her.

lizzys hands 02 17 2011

As I mentioned yesterday Lizzy has been finger spelling more. She also is placing her hands in a different manner. As you can see in the picture they are not completely relaxed. Hmmmm?  This has been going on for the past 10 days or so.

According to what I read it is probably an old sensory issue coming to the surface again. Lizzy also has been sitting in Howard’s baby swing for the first time ever. She is comforted by the motion. So I know for sure that this is the case.  It amazes me every time. People who do not believe in homeopathy are missing out on a great healing modality. The Cina is definitely moving things about and bringing them to the surface again. Which is exactly what I like to see.

Amelia and I did an exercise with her today to help with her sensory issues. We placed her on a soft washable area rug with her head above the end of the rug and rolled her up tightly. I called it the sushi roll. “Hey Lizzy ready for another sushi roll? Okay here we go. We did it about 7 times in a row and she did not mind at all. She seemed to enjoy it very much. After we finished the frequency toward placing her hands together lessened tremendously. SUCCESS!!!

Thank you God! I have not taken Lizzy to a therapist for this because they are very expensive and our insurance takes forever to reimburse so we are on our own.

I can’t count how many times I became bummed out because we did not have the money for certain therapies. But now I am very confident that our inability to afford a therapy pushes me to do it myself. Along with the kids help we are doing everything we can for Lizzy and each other. I also need to keep in mind that all 11 of us are learning from Lizzy’s condition, not just me. My heart is not the only one being torn in half. Everyone who loves Lizzy feels the same way. Together we are helping this wonderful girl and learning about each other along the way.

Lizzy is also lining up her toys again. Old behavior coming to the surface. I left them alone so I could see what she did. But Ian came in and moved them so they were not in the way. (He is one cleaning man. His wife will love this!) Lizzy did not mind too much. Before she would  go nuts, not today. More of the same. Old behavior less severity.

I hope we have a calm night because Todd and I need it badly. May God shine His light upon us tonight and tomorrow and provide us all that we need for another day of recovery.

Sweet Dreams

02 16 2011

 Hello All! 
Poor Lizzy girl has a cold, the entire household has had it. Even with that going on she has been doing well.  She is starting to wake up at night again. About 2am we get her distress call and go to her. She seems fine, just awakened by who knows what.Could be her cold, or the full moon that is on the 18th. Again when one is fighting parasites the full moon is a significant factor. These things are more active during the full moon and one’s symptoms are more intense. Some do not give this much consideration but after 3 years of this journey  I know that is a factor that can not be ignored.

Lizzy has been communicating with more detail the last few days and today it has dropped off again. She does not feel well, so that would explain it. But in my experience with her I know it is never that simplistic. She is also requesting baths more than once a day. When she is in the tub she is constantly on her belly. In the past this meant her stomach was bothering her. I feel that we have begun to remove another issue with this Cina clearing. Her hands are very red also. They seem to have more fluid than usual. This was the same thing that happened on and off when we started using homeopathy.  Once again old behaviors and symptoms surfacing with less severity.

This evening Lizzy was not hungry at dinner time and very hyper and indecisive. Her bowel movements have traces of small white specs. All of this is typical of people with parasites. Tonight has shown me again that we must stay on this path until it is over. She is also not as verbal and I am having to be insistent with her in order for her to ask for things. Last week she would have said what she needed or wanted without any prompting. Not the case today. Yes she has a cold but all of these behaviors were exhibited before when she did not have a cold so there it is. Also Lizzy is less patient and more noise sensitive. Full moon and Cina what a combo.

We are still watching her diet and doing all of the things we did before. Only difference is she had Cina 200C 4 days ago.  I feel that we need to keep going and wait to see what this week and next week brings. We have a phone appt. with Lizzy’s homeopath every other Thursday.  02 24 2011 will hopefully be the day that we will decide whether we need to up the potency or change the remedy. Again we have to watch and wait.

Yes all of the old symptoms are back but with less severity. This is what homeopathy does when one is on a clearing. It has to play out like this in order to have healing. I have been taking this time to work on other things with Lizzy. For example more reading and more sign language. I feel that we must stay on this path in order to heal her completely. It is just a matter of time.

As of 10pm Lizzy is ok and a wee bit hyper.  She is a bit nervous and finger spelling with her right hand. I know for sure that I want all of us to be fluent in ASL. It has impacted our household trememndously.This constant finger spelling is new. It seems like a nervous habit that replaced her bouncing and spinning. I’ll take finger spelling any day over the bouncing and spinning. The other two activities were very over stimulating for us and sometimes dangerous  for her younger siblings. Klunk, some little one would end up getting bumped in to and tears would ensue. So finger spelling is ok by us.

Hopefully we will have another good day and get more healing from this remedy. Though it is somewhat difficult now it is nothing like it was before. Thank you God!

Sweet dreams

02 12 2011 Mixed Blessings

Hello All!

Lizzy finally hit a point where she needed her Cina 200C dose again. We administered it to her today after old symptoms came to the surface like a freight train. She has been picking her nose, screaming, having sensitivity to noise, bed wetting, not using her utensils when eating, incredibly hungry all day, loss of speech clarity, not going to sleep easily, and constipation. The constipation has always been an issue for Lizzy. When this comes to the surface like this I know that her body is working on something. So here we go again. We are going back in order to go forward.

Ian, Amelia, Martin, Willy and Lizzy 2006

It has been several hours since she received her remedy and she is okay so far. Her clarity of speech improved within a couple of hours of giving her the Cina 200C. Her oldest brother Ian had an audition at a local theatre today and as he was getting ready to leave for the audition we were all wishing him well and saying goodbye. Lizzy popped out of her room and said “Good bye, Ian”, with extreme clarity. Yeah for Lizzy gal! The evening progressed and we have not had any outbursts. Thank you God!

One thing Lizzy has done the last two nights is after her bath is ready she moves to the far corner of the bathroom and shys away from the tub. This is new and I can not think of any reason why she would do this. She usually loves a bath and gets in the tub before the water is even turned off. Hmmmmm? I go up to her and tell her it is okay and then she climbs in without any hesitation. I know that 3+ years ago she did not like to be bathed because of her sensory issues but this was different. It was as if she felt it was not safe, she seemed afraid.

Once again I have been documenting all that I can remember about Lizzy. This includes what Todd and I were experiencing at the time she was conceived. One memory that came to mind recently was an accident that her older brother Martin experienced while I was pregnant with her. During my first trimester Martin was involved in a car accident right in front of our house. He was riding his bike on our driveway and accidentally fell on to the street while a large truck was approaching. The truck hit Martin’s bike and through the grace of God Martin was not seriously injured.

Martin 2006

I was planting some flowers in our yard as I heard a horrible scream from Martin. I ran quickly to him, picked him up and carried him over to a table. I looked at him and he had a few scrapes and abrasions. But we were both terrified. He was screaming and saying “Sorry Mom you told me not to do that, I’m sorry.

This incident changed Martin tremendously. We have been treating him with homeopathy and he has made great strides. But he still does not remember much from that day. My guess is post traumatic stress disorder. I guess I have or had it too. I checked out Wikipedia and this is what it said:

Posttraumatic stress disorder (also known as post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD) is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma.[1][2][3] This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one’s own or someone else’s physical, sexual, or psychological integrity,[1] overwhelming the individual’s ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.

Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal – such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance.

Hypervigilence is the one thing that caught my eye about Martin and Lizzy. According to Wikipedia:

People suffering from hypervigilance may become preoccupied with studying their environment for possible threats, causing them to lose connections with their family and friends. They will ‘over-react’ to loud & unexpected noises; become agitated in highly crowded or noisy environments etc. They will often have a difficult time getting to sleep or staying asleep.

Lizzy the Lion 2006

Wow! That sure sounds like our Lizzy when she first started to slip away from us. I was numb after Martin’s experience and I did not think that it had impacted me or her. I now believe that it did. Not only that but Lizzy’s dad has experienced numerous traumatic experiences when growing up and also during his adulthood. So again we have two factors coming together that effected our baby girl. Now I am not saying that this is the single cause of Lizzy’s “autism” but it is something that we need to consider when treating her. There are a lot of factors that contribute to autism including vaccines, parasites, candida and family history. Every child is different and so are their experiences. I believe the vaccines put everything into overdrive and that why these factors are intensified.

 I shared this memory with Lizzy’s homeopath and she said that is something we need to consider and keep it in mind when treating  Lizzy. This is why homeopathy is so effective. Homeopathy addresses so many issues and factors that can not be done with other modalities. Plus it puts our kids in a better place when they reach puberty and when they start having families of their own. The healing is long-term. Our grandchildren will be in a much healthier place from the beginning.

This autism journey is a mixed blessing. I use this phrase because I read a book written by William and Barbra Christopher entitled Mixed Blessings. If you do not recall William Christopher is the actor that played Father Mulcahy in the hit series M*A*S*H*. They have an autistic son and the book tells of their journey and how it impacted them. These two people were pioneers who were doing it at a time when information was not as easily found. Plus there was not the awareness that is in place now. God bless them. After reading it so long ago I feel very blessed to be fighting this battle now with all of the modern tools that we have. Not to mention the support system we have established with fellow parents who are blogging, sharing and helping each other. Thank you God!

Lizzy dedication from Luci 1 10 11

The further we go down this path the more I see God’s blessings. His blessings were always there.  But Lizzy’s “autism” opened my heart and allowed me to be impacted on a very deep level. The love for one’s child is life changing. Whether it be positive or negative we will never be the same selfish person we were before they came in to our lives. I thank God every day for this chance at healing. I hope and pray that I can do it EVERY DAY with a happy, grateful, patient heart.

Though the will is strong the flesh is weak. May God grant me strength to be the best that I can be for all that encounter each day. There is not much more we can do. We must continue to try and do our best while remembering that our hearts are being softened and opened to a new found peace with ourselves and God’s plan. This is our chance to become the person that we hoped we could be. Through our precious little ones it will happen. Out of disaster comes opportunity. An opportunity to heal and see the true meaning of what life holds for us and those that we love.

Sweet Dreams and strength for another day of recovery.